Thomas Kinkade
Hyper-popular photorealistic painter and self-ascribed "painter of light™ [1]". It is estimated that, as of 1992, one-in-twenty U.S. households own a Kinkade. His work, flippantly discredited by uppity artworld intelligentsia as kitsch, follows in the Luminist [2] tradition and often features subliminal Christian imagery. A figure of great controversy, Kinkade was dogged throughout his career by claims that he "manufactured" his work using poorly paid underlings [see: Jeff Koons]. His paintings are among the most counterfeited in the world - he is among the best selling artists in Asia despite having no gallery representation on the continent. Kinkade passed away at the age of 54 from acute alcohol and narcotic intoxication [3] while attending a Las Vegas [4] sales convention.
- ↑ A phrase trademarked by Kinkade but more commonly associated with J.M.W. Turner (1775-1881).
- ↑ A tradition sometimes paradoxically associated with Luciferianism and the Ocultists.
- ↑ Strangely, Polonium 210, an extremely rare radioactive poison oft associated with the Illuminati, was found in Kinkade's system at his time of death.
- ↑ Prior to his fatal collapse, Kinkade was arrested for openly fondling a woman's breast across a folding table and urinating on a life size sculpture of Winnie the Pooh in an episode of "ritual territory marking."