GI Joe AKA G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero [related: Cobra, Serpentor][see also: Destro, The Baroness]
A series of action figures, playsets, comics, and corresponding television episodes launched in 1982 by Hasbro, Inc. G.I. Joe features a backstory of byzantine complexity [1] centering on its ongoing battle with the terrorist corporate conglomerate Cobra. Seen by many media theorists as a metaphorical representation of Communism, Cobra was defined by the competing ideologies of ruthless militarism and utopian labor rights [2]. Cobra's lack of religious-based moral code led to its engagement with the temperamental forces of fringe science and the occult, culminating in its creation of, subsequent, capitulation to Serpentor, a callous dictator genetically engineered by Cobra's primary arms dealer, James McCullen Destro XXIII , known colloquially as Destro. The intellectual aptitude, outlandish scheming, and serpentine qualities of both Serpentor and Cobra Commander, the organization's shrill-voiced day-to-day leader, have drawn comparisons to the Silurian Hypothesis. Despite Cobra's considerable holdings and strong record of worker compensation, the organization's criminal exploits skew bizarre and, as a rule, fall short. Examples include:
- The Cobrathon, a telethon targeting other criminal organizations intended to raise five billion dollars - an all around glitzy affair helmed by The Baroness in a plunging evening gown.
- A convoluted attempt to steal Alaska through the acquisition of an ancient ruby-encrusted chalice.
- Hijacking all U.S. commercial satellites and launching Cobra Network Television featuring original content and mischievously-edited previously released blockbuster films.
- Cold Slither, a hair metal band formed by Cobra as a vessel for Destro-developed mind control technology.
- Resurrecting and then partnering with the Egyptian god Osiris.
Attempts at destroying:
- All forms of currency on earth and replacing it with electronic Cobra Bucks, precursing the release of BitCoin by approximately two decades.
- All vegetation on earth.
- The ozone layer AKA The Nozone Conspiracy.
- ↑ Dwarfing that of even The Transformers. The controversial and ultimately unsuccessful intertwining of the G.I. Joe and Transformer mythologies occurred numerous times beginning with 1986's "GI Joe and the Transformers" comic and continuing through the poorly received "Black Horizon" from Devil's Due publishing.
- ↑ In episode #600-22 "The Viper is Coming", Cobra is shown to have a luxury recreational facility deep below the surface of Antarctica constructed specifically for the enrichment of its employees. Dubbed "Camp Cobra", the center features volleyball courts, ping-pong tables, an olympic-sized swimming pool, gender neutral bathrooms, and the Zartan Entertainment Center. In subsequent episodes, it is revealed that even hourly Cobra employees receive "world class free health care" with no deductible.